By a Student
I suspect that I entered the world of tantra like a lot of other people…by accident. I wasn’t really looking for it or even knew what it was. I am a married man, in my forties, with two great kids. I have been reasonably successful in the business world and I am generally a happy guy.
My wife and I always had different levels of libido and, with the kids getting older, sex was becoming a little more difficult and a little bit scarcer. Our relationship was not in any great peril but was definitely in need of some adjustments. I compensated for the differences in our sex drive by visiting some of the local massage parlours. Not a great idea but it was the path of least resistance.
So here I was surfing the internet in search of the latest massage venues, when, somehow, I ended up on the site of a tantric Goddess named Nixy May Moon. The first thing I saw, as her site popped up, was a very beautiful lady in some very erotic poses. This was all the prompting I needed to go a little deeper into her web site. There I read my first words in relation to tantra. She wrote about the benefits and healing power of sexual energy, of bringing greater joy into one’s life and of the evolution of consciousness. Pretty words but I was looking for something a little simpler. Still, I clicked on a link entitled “My Story”. There she wrote about how she had arrived into the world of tantra after suffering some spiritual pain. One personal item that touched my heart was how she kept her baby close to her as she was going through her struggles. For some unknown reason, I felt a certain connection to this lady.
All of this intrigued me enough to explore this strange thing called tantra a little further. In my web surfing I discovered many sites that discussed tantra, in all its facets. The sexual side of tantra with its lingam and yoni massages, bath ceremonies and sacred spot caresses were, of course, my main attraction. It all sounded so exciting!
I took the plunge and made an appointment to see Nixy, without really knowing what I was in for. This beautiful lady greeted me at the door and asked for a hug. I melted. She led me to a beautiful temple space that she created. There was incense burning, exotic music playing and candlelight. I melted a little further.
We sat down and she spoke to me about sexual energy and how it should flow through the chakras. I must admit to being somewhat nervous and excited about this encounter. I’m not sure all her words registered with me, but enough of them got through for me to see that she was genuine in her beliefs. Then came the fun part. I experienced my first chakra balancing and she showed me some basic breathwork. We deepened our connection by breathing together and then went into a tantric massage, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
After the massage we talked a little more and she explained how tantra was meant to bring a greater level of connection in a couple’s life. She told me about the benefits that sexual energy could bring, when maintaining a high state of sexual arousal for longer periods. Now ejaculation control has never been one of my strengths and although my wife and I have found ways to compensate, it had always remained a source of pain for me. When she told me that tantric techniques could help me in this area, I took note.
I left Nixy’s temple the same way I came in; with a warm hug and an even warmer smile.
My first encounter with tantra was enough to ignite my curiosity even further. I spent the next month reading every article and exploring every web site I could find on the subject. One of the concepts that intrigued me the most was the seven chakras or energy centres located in the body and how they could affect our happiness. I could see how having healthy chakras was important to a person’s happiness. The seven chakras represent, our feeling of being grounded and having the basic necessities of life, our creativity, sexuality and emotion, our self-esteem and personal power, our ability to love and to connect to others, our ability to communicate, our intuition and understanding and our consciousness.
I could understand and see how it was important to be healthy and well balanced in all these aspects in order to be happy. With all the reading I did, I also gained a basic understanding of how sexual energy could help in a lot of these areas. After all sex is a very basic instinct and need as well as the greatest creative force in the world. A healthy sex life can often bolster self-esteem and creates greater intimacy in a couple.
Tantra, as a path to experiencing greater joy in my life by maintaining healthy chakras and by deepening the intimacy and connection that my wife and I shared, seemed like a worthwhile endeavour.
I made my second appointment with Nixy. This time I spent some time explaining to her where I was in my understanding of the world of tantra. Like any true healer she listened attentively, added some nuances to my understanding when it was beneficial to do so and seemed genuinely pleased that I was taking steps into a world that had brought her so much joy. This made my asking her to help me in developing greater ejaculation control very natural and, quite surprisingly, not that embarrassing.
At the beginning of this session we spent more time connecting our breath and holding each other so that our chakras were aligned. I felt a little more connected to this tantrika but was perhaps still a little too nervous and excited to fully relax into the moment.
The tantric massage that followed was one of the more erotic moments I had experienced in a long time. Using her talent and sensuality, she brought me to new heights of ecstasy, all the while making sure I was breathing deeply and focussing on my breath so that I didn’t go over the edge. Although I knew that Nixy had used her skills and energy to help me, the mere fact that I was able to last the entire session was a great boost to my self-esteem. I left Nixy’s temple on a great high and determined to further explore this world.
The next 30 days involved a lot less reading but a lot more understanding. In fact, I experienced two great waves of understanding…well at least they were great to me. When delving into the world of tantra, you hear the word “spirit” a lot. However, none of what I had read explained what a person’s spirit was. At first I tried to equate it to a person’s soul, like I had learned in Catholic school, but that didn’t seem to fit. Then, during a summer vacation, I sat near the beach early one morning and my mind became very quiet as I relaxed and enjoyed the moment. That is when things became a little clearer. Our spirit is what a lot of people refer to as our inner selves. It is made up of our feelings, emotions and connections to other. It is our creativity, sexuality and empathy. Although some will undoubtedly look at this as a highly simplistic view, it is a view that I can understand and relate to. It is also a view that is very well aligned with the concept that energy flows through our chakras. Any imbalance in our emotions or feelings will be manifested in a blockage of the energy that flows through our chakras. The pieces of the puzzle were starting to fit!
Another wave of understanding came as I was watching an on-line video of a spiritual healer and teacher speaking to group of students. In this video he says that wisdom comes from the body and not the head. The head needs to get out of the way so that the body can truly feel. The head shouldn’t be telling the body what to feel but should create a safe space so that we can truly experience our feelings. Now that may sound pretty obvious but for me this was a revelation. I am a person that always approaches things from a rational point of view and not from an emotional stand point. In business I had also had many coaches tell me that I had to make a conscious choice of what emotions I was going to feel given a particular situation. In other words, the head had to decide whether I felt happy, angry or sad. Although that may help in dealing with certain immediate issues in the business world, it does not allow for a true examination of what we are feeling, nor does it allow for dealing with emotions, where healing is required. As this teacher said, wisdom comes from the body and not the head.
Now I had a much better understanding of things! I could see that a person’s spirit is where true joy resides; I could see how problems or energy blockage in any of the chakras could impact a person’s joy and spirit; and I could see that you needed to be able to truly feel and experience your emotions and not burry them through force of intellect. I understood how this kind of examination would bring issues and feelings to the surface so that they could be addressed and so that healing could begin. I also understood how sexual energy could help in that healing process. Yes, I felt pretty good about myself!
I made my third appointment to see Nixy, anxious to show off my new understanding and looking forward to some words of praise from a beautiful tantrika. Unfortunately intellectual understanding does not always imply an ability to put things into practice…as I was about to learn.
Our session started out like the others. I was truly happy to see Nixy and she made me feel welcomed and cared for. I eagerly explained my new level of understanding and she seemed truly happy to hear it.
When we held each other, connected our breath and aligned our chakras I experienced something a little different and quite remarkable (at least to me). It was as if I was connecting to Nixy on a much deeper level. I was able to open myself up much more and it seemed as if I was able to briefly feel her spirit.
Having connected with this truly sweet spirit, it made it much easier to open myself to the sexual energy being generated and made my erotic journey with Nixy even more special. She took me to new heights of eroticism and ecstasy while occasionally reaffirming the spiritual connection that I felt. Now being a novice in this world, I’m not sure how deep this spiritual connection was, but I do know that it felt wonderful. Unfortunately, the dark clouds were just ahead.
As soon as I heard the temple doors close behind me, I started to feel depressed. By the time I had reached my car I was also in a very foul mood. At first I tried to tell myself that it was because Nixy always creates such wonderful experiences and that I was upset that I wouldn’t be seeing her for a while, but I kind of knew there was more to it.
It took almost three full days for the dark clouds to lift enough for me to examine my feelings more closely and deal with what was going on. It seems like my journey into the tantric world may have brought a few of my own issues to the surface.
I found a tranquil place, quieted my mind and started breathing deeply. This allowed me to better experience my feelings and see where the problems were in my chakras. There seemed to be two issues blocking the energy in my lower chakras.
The first issue almost made me laugh out loud once I recognized it. I had been facing a very difficult career decision and had been unable to make up my mind as to which direction to go. This had been a growing source of frustration for me as I am not someone who usually has trouble making decisions. Upon examining my feelings, I discovered what I should have seen all along: FEAR. Fear of failure is something that I have always carried with me throughout my life. It has motivated me and pushed me to succeed. This time, however, the stakes were so high, that it had paralysed me. Only once I had figured out that it was this plain old fear of failure that was causing my indecision could I get passed it. And I did get passed it. I made my decision and felt a tremendous amount of relief. I was taking my career in a new and exciting path.
The second issue was much more complicated and went much deeper. As I mentioned earlier, me and my wife’s sex life had slowed down considerably over the years. Kids, my career and life in general seemed to be getting in the way. As the kids got older it got even worse. They were going to bed later and by the time we had some privacy we were just plain tired. Recently though, things had gotten so bad that our sex life was now non-existent. Frustrating me even more was my total inability to discuss this, and my resulting feelings, with my wife. Somehow over the years our ability to talk about our sex life had disappeared.
This caused a tangle of negative emotions. I was saddened and frustrated that I was not sexually connecting with my wife and this was having a negative affect on the way I felt about myself. However, I also recognised that I was still deeply in love with my wife and knew that she felt the same way. This was just a situation that needed to be addressed.
My sessions with Nixy were truly wonderful. They were filled with spirituality, eroticism and ecstasy. I wanted and needed to bring all these things home and into my relationship. I had learned through these sessions that a healthy sexuality truly does deepen the spiritual connection between two people. After all, if I was able to feel a spiritual connection with Nixy, someone I liked and respected but didn’t really know all that well, imagine the level of spirituality I could share with someone I have been in love with for over twenty years.
This examination of my feelings, desire to re-establish a deeper connection with my wife and promise of greater sensuality at home was enough to provoke me into action. Speaking to her about the problems in our sex life and the way it made us feel didn’t turn out to be difficult at all. We both wanted to express how we felt but it was as if neither of us had been able to take the first step. Once we did start to talk, it flowed easily and even reminded us of the way we used to communicate when we first got together. We found ways to re-establish our sex life and are both much happier for it. There have been many other side benefits to reconnecting sexually with each other. It now seems much easier to communicate our feelings on other issues, we make a greater effort to spend time together and a large amount of the stress we were feeling has disappeared. I have even dared to utter the word tantra to her and found that she was willing to look into it further with me.
So after only 100 days of tantra, and after just a few sessions with a gifted tantric Goddess, I already have more joy in my life and a greater connection with my wife. I can’t wait for the next 100 days.