5 Easy Steps to Begin Unlocking Sexually Ecstatic Pleasure
1. CREATE A SAFE SPACE. Most of us underestimate the importance of actually having a place where we are free to speak our mind and let our body be free. Create this space in your home, or find a place where you can go and feel safe with you lover(s).
2. SET ASIDE THE TIME. Agree that for this amount of time (usually 2 to 4 hours), we are going to be devoted to letting go of worldly concerns (this means turning off the cell phone completely!) and focusing our full, undivided attention on one another, right here and now.
3. GET NAKED IN NATURE MORE. Find safe places where you can safely swim, sunbathe, or even hike naked! (I have hiked naked on large, privately-owned tracts of land in North Carolina, Vermont, and western Massachusetts, for instance. I also found perfect isolation in Joshua Tree National Park once, for days on end.)
Nature offers unconditional acceptance. Many of us have been fighting with body image issues all of our lives, so hanging out naked with other people–or simply being alone in the embrace of a natural setting–can be deeply healing. It also can feel highly liberating! One friend recently told me that one of the most exciting erotic experiences of his life happened alone, in the desert, when he straddled a big fallen tree and masturbated!
4. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE. When you learn to have a lot of pleasure and fun with your body, you won’t be so dependent upon other people to ‘make you feel good’. I remember once I was at a one-day sensual massage workshop with a lot of people who didn’t have any experience touching others consciously. When it came my turn to get on the table and receive a massage, I actually had an out-of-this world, mind-bogglingly-pleasurable experience! The guys touching me didn’t have any skills or experience at all, but I simply gave them gentle suggestions about ways they could support me in my pleasure. Meanwhile, I pleasured myself all over my body by moving, breathing, making sound, and touching myself.
5. CHOOSE YOUR PARTNERS WISELY. Choose your partners based not purely on their physical appearance or society-appealing images, but more-so on their sensitivity and ability to really enjoy sexual pleasure with other men! It can be a lot of fun to blindfold one another (seriously!)
This can 1) help us give ourselves permission to fully receive pleasure from our partner, OR 2) help us focus on the pleasure feel within ourselves, so that we realize how much of our pleasure really doesn’t have anything to do with our partner at all! We can trigger joy, wonder, and passion in one another by doing very little! Co-supportive sex partners recognize that we’re giving one another the greatest gift we can give by allowing the other the space to fully have his experience, while we’re enjoying ours all the while.