Consult on Female Ejaculation
by Tracy Lee
I was contacted by a woman interested in female ejaculation who was wondering what my experience was and if I could tell her how to do it. Perhaps my answer will be helpful to others. Since my body is not her body, I replied to her via my own experiences and gave tips about things that worked for me. Who knows if they will work for her, or for you if you are interested in exploring. Here is my response, a bit edited for smoothness.
How great that you are looking to enhance the pleasure you take in your own body! I awoke that in myself only about six years ago through the curiosity of my partner at the time. Through patient touch and feeling safe, my body began to wake up and blossom.
As to helping you get there, don’t set a goal or an expectation of squirting. Just set time aside to get to know yourself. Go pee first, deliberately, maybe even reiterating in your mind or out loud, I went pee. I will not have to pee again for the next hour. I found in the beginning that the more touch my body received via massage and caresses, the more consistent and easier the squirting became. Don’t start immediately with the genitals. Honor yourself with full body touch to get really relaxed. Then begin to explore yourself genitally; again, the more time you have, the better. If you have the luxury of a super long time to play before intra-vaginal work, go pee again with the same reminder, I went pee. I will not have to pee again for the next hour. The more preparation time you give yourself beforehand, the easier it will be to find and feel the area you want to enliven because as your body gets more and more aroused the g-spot begins to grow. (I don’t know your skill level so I’m giving very basics here.)
If you are lying on your back and your belly button is noon, the g-spot is between 11am and 1pm. It moves, enlarging and diminishing. You are looking for an area with gentle ridges, a little less smooth than what’s around it. When you find it, you want to go very slowly. If you have a partner helping, make sure there is LOTS of communication going on. It’s best if you are in charge of the guidance. Try these techniques, or whatever calls to you:
- just gentle pressure
- gentle pulsing
- the “come here” gesture with your finger
- using the finger like a windshield wiper, back and forth
Start by noticing what feels best. Try one type of stroke until you understand how it feels. Before changing to another stroke pause your movement to let that sensation settle in. I suggest 30 seconds to a minute, which feels like a very long time when you are “just noticing,” but indulge in that. In later sessions see if you can notice growth or movement, a change in texture, or increased or decreased sensitivity in one spot or another.
Quite possibly you will notice that you feel the need to pee. Most likely you don’t. Relax. Breathe. Slow down if needed. That feeling should subside. The glands that produce the ejaculate, called the Skene glands, swell during arousal and actually make it difficult to pee.
Let your body tell you how much time to spend here in the beginning. It’s like going to the gym for the first time; you don’t start with heavy weights. I succeeded with this after about four months of intermittent very conscious practice because I felt safe with my partner and very relaxed. Sometimes just noticing the new sensitivity during intercourse made things happen. Female ejaculation can occur with or without orgasm. The two are not connected, just related.
This is part of the teaching and guidance work I do with clients. If you are finding you desire less do-it-yourself instruction, or sometimes want someone to give your partner some gentle guidance, let me know. I tell my clients, “You know when you buy a car that a great big manual comes with it. We don’t get one with our bodies. How are we supposed to know how they work without an instruction book?”
I hope the instructions above help. Be prepared to do a lot more laundry and to invest in some good bed pads. So unsexy, but oh so necessary.
Basic and only mildly medical anatomy of ejaculation:
The paraurethral glands (Skene glands) are composed of a multitude of tiny tubules enmeshed in the urethral erectile tissue at the mouth of the urethra. During arousal these swell around the urethra, making urination difficult. When squirting happens the ejaculate is emitted through the tiny openings connecting the glands to the urethral canal and to the two larger openings near the exit of the urethra, where it flows out in varying amounts. The medical term for the fluid is amrita.
You may notice times after sex when it’s difficult to pee until you get more relaxed. This is why. But please, go pee when you are done. This is important to flush the bacteria we carry in our bodies out of the urethral tube to prevent possible UTI’s.
Anatomical explanations based on “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski and “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal” by Sheri Winston.
If you would like to ask me a question about your sex life you can do it here.