Mastering one’s sexual energy takes some practice. Whatever you train your body to do alone will make it that much easier or harder when you are with a beautiful woman in an ecstatic experience. This is why when young boys masturbate quickly for fear of being caught or out of shame, they train themselves to come quickly when they are with a female partner.
I recommend abstaining from porn for a while while mastering this practice and possibly beyond that since it tends to be overstimulating and disconnect us from our physical sensual experience, pleasure and functioning in the long run with overuse. Better to think about an experience you’ve had or use your imagination for self-pleasuring. Regular self-pleasuring without ejaculation builds your sexual energy and vitality increasing your charisma and attraction factor. Women will be attracted to you like bees to honey and have no idea why. You will have more energy, feel more alive and be more passionate about life and the loves in your life.
If you can create the time and space you could even make self pleasuring a daily ritual. All it takes is a few minutes of being with yourself and touching yourself sensually and breathing deeply. You can move or rock your hips and make sound moving your sexual energy up through your body with your intention and imagination. Find a place where you won’t be self conscious to make sound since making sound helps move sexual energy throughout your body, makes the experience of self pleasuring more pleasurable and helps you gain orgasmic and ejaculatory mastery. Why do you think we ladies make so much noise? 😉
Take a minute or longer to touch yourself everywhere on your body connecting with yourself and your felt experience. Feel where your body ends and the rest of the world begins connecting with your sensual self and your inner feminine. We all have inner feminine and masculine energetic polarities. You can imagine your ideal feminine Goddess or dream girl. In Tantric Buddhism monks use this as a meditation and spiritual practice to merge with the Divine. Use plenty of lubrication or oil and massage your Vadra and it’s base. Vadra is the Tantric word for penis that means lightening or thunder bolt. You can massage your perineum, jewels and around the base of the jewels, along the shaft to the head, and even your belly. Their are acupressure points all along your shaft and all around the base that correlate to you entire body according to Taoist Erotic Massage so it’s like giving your entire body a tune up! You can release lots of tension this way and feel more relaxed in general. It is important to be relaxed to be able to master the following Big Draw practice.
The Big Draw Practice
Also described in Mantak Chia’s books The Multi-orgasmic Man and The Multi-Orgasmic Couple along with other books. Using plenty of lubrication or oil (I recommend pure coconut or olive oil) build your sexual energy while breathing deep until you feel like you could ejaculate soon but are not yet to the point of no return. If ejaculation is a 10 on a scale of 1-10 and orgasm is a 9 you want to do a Big Draw around 7 or 8. Orgasm happens at a 9 and ejaculation at 10 because they are separate events that usually happen simultaneously from rushing through the experience and one triggering the other. What fires together wires together.
However, if you can slow the whole process down you will be able to prolong your orgasm and even orgasm without ejaculating! I know this is possible for men. I’ve seen it many times and helped men to experience this type of full body non-ejaculatory experience which is very satisfying for a man and for the woman they are with! If you’ve ever been jealous of how much pleasure and how many orgasms some women can have and wondered why you got cheated in the pleasure department as a man now you know what is possible and what you’ve been missing out on that is attainable for you with some attention and practice. Sexuality is like a garden, with some care and attention it gives back in spades for the time and energy you put into it.
For an ecstatic Tantric experience use breath, sound, intention and movement to move the sexual energy through the central channel of your body distributing it throughout your entire body. Breath deep all the way down to your perineum filling up your belly and chest and holding your breath in at the top. Hold the breath in for as long as you comfortably can gently pushing your edge to be able to hold the breath in for longer and longer periods of time. While you are holding the breath in squeeze your PC muscle and imagine the sexual energy in your genitals traveling up the center of your body to your heart and out through the crown of your head. You may want to imagine this as a color such as red to help you with the visualization. Your PC muscle is the muscle you would be squeezing if you were to stop urine in midstream. When you are ready, exhale loud and audibly releasing through sound and relaxing any tension in your body and your PC. Do this breath three times in a row and then just relax and enjoy the heightened sensitivity of your entire body.
You will notice your erection may have become a bit softer and you will feel less of a need to ejaculate. You will feel a kind of diffuse bliss and expansive relaxation through your whole body. You can end the practice there or you can continue to do The Big Draw three to five times before getting to the point of no return each time you start to get close to ejaculating if you decide you want to ejaculate at all. If you don’t ejaculate you shouldn’t get anything like “blue balls” using this practice. You should feel good afterwards, energized and relaxed and blissful. Using this practice you will never have the experience of rolling over and falling asleep after sex or feeling tired or depleted after sex or less interested in your partner.
You will be able to stay connected with your partner and continue to feel virile and in love with our without your partner present. Over time you will experience a sense of feeling in love with life. After doing a practice like this without ejaculating notice how heightened all of your senses are. Colors will be brighter, food will taste better, your sense of smell will be heightened. Take a walk in nature and just notice all of your heightened senses.