Why Women Fake Orgasms (and what to do instead)

Ladies, if you are faking orgasms, please rest assured that you are definitely not alone!  Some studies have said that over 80% of women fake orgasms on a regular basis, often during intercourse.  Even yours truly has faked them occasionally.

Rather than shaming ourselves, let’s look at the reasons why women fake orgasms.
  • We want to please our partners.  Many women are pleasers and we often put everyone else’s needs before our own.  We want our partner to feel like they are giving us a good experience and that they are competent and masterful lovers.
  • We want to get it over.   Boring and uninspiring sex can get old very quickly.  If we’re not having pleasure and enjoyment, and it seems like it will never end, faking an orgasm will often bring sex to its natural conclusion.
  • It doesn’t feel good.   Many women experience vaginal dryness and pain or discomfort during sex.  There are many reasons for this but chief among them is that we are not sufficiently aroused.  Pain is obviously on the complete other end of the pleasure scale and is a frequent reason for faking orgasms.
  • We think we’re taking too much time.   Women, and men, all feel way too much pressure to perform during sex.  Sex can become so goal oriented that we forget about the pleasure that we might be receiving and just focus on why we’re not having that orgasm.
  • We have a  hard time having an orgasm during sex.  Porn and the movies have created completely unrealistic expectations about women’s orgasms during sex.

For women who only know how to orgasm clitorally, which is the vast majority of women, clitoral orgasms without using manual stimulation or a vibrator during intercourse can be very challenging.Even for those women who have experienced vaginal orgasms (G spot, cervical etc), many things have to be aligned in order for them to have orgasms  from intercourse alone. This includes the right position for hitting the G spot or cervix, a high enough level of arousal, experience finding the rhythm together, and lots of practice!

Faking orgasms cheats you and your partner from having good sex!

Here are some tips:

  • Communication is key:  Let your partner know what does feel good and what doesn’t.
  • Take the pressure off:  Just enjoy the moment.  Experience the sensations and pleasure that you are having and stop worrying about having an orgasm.
  • Tell your partner that it’s OK if you don’t have an orgasm…you just want to stay connected and experience pleasure.
  • Breathe—Breath helps you to relax and to move energy around your body which increases physical sensationtantra