This is a comprehensive compilation of much research and study on women’s sexual response. It incorporates information from Charles and Caroline Muir’s book Freeing the Female Orgasm and information from One Taste’s Orgasmic Meditation. It is adapted from Deborah Sundahl’s Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot book, and is based on my own experience receiving yoni massage and talking with and doing hands on research with other women.
This is a great place to start with exploring any woman’s sexual response. Keep in mind that every woman and every woman’s sexual response is unique and complex. The most important thing is to listen to what she wants and needs. A woman’s body is sacred space so approach with awareness and reverence and always ask permission. Clear and open communication is sexy!
The Supporter’s Role
As the supporter your job is to –
– Provide a warm room, a comfortable bed, soft lighting, and a quiet distraction free environment (relaxing music that you have selected and burned to CD as a gift for the Goddess is also nice)
– Ask permission before moving forward into touch and into more intimate touch. For example, can I touch your back? I would like to massage your breasts. Are you ready for me to massage your yoni?
– Initially, touch the entire body lovingly without focusing on the breasts or genitals. Ask her if she would like harder or softer pressure. Let her know she can ask for what she wants and you are there for her without any goals or agenda.
– Focus your attention on your partner and be 100% present for her. This means you are not “in your head” thinking about other things like where you would like this experience to go or if you are doing it “right”.
– Give freely of yourself. This means you are truly giving without expecting anything in return. You are giving to give, not to receive. You are giving what is asked for and what is truly desired by the receiver.
– Practice superb listening skills in receiving guidance in exactly what the receiver would like to receive. Ask for guidance and clarification if you are not sure you understand. For example asking harder or softer or how does this feel?
– Don’t take anything personally even if her words seem to be directed at you. Let go of being sensitive about if you are doing it right or not. Basically, get your ego out of the way so that you can truly listen and be there for another human being in such an intimate and vulnerable way. This is very important because a lot can come up in a yoni healing session. It is about her process and your role is to hold space for her to go through that process in whatever way she needs to. Yoni massage, especially internal massage, can be very emotional for a woman and you need to be able to create a comfortable space for her genuine experience and expression. Sometimes intense anger or tears can come up to be released and moved through so that healing and more feeling and pleasure can happen. expiration of domains Make time after the session to process your feelings with her and alone.
– Listen and acknowledge her with genuine feedback that reflects back to her what she has just told you and nothing more. (This is based on NVC, Non Violent or Compassionate Communication, it would be good to go over this format together so that you are comfortable with it)
– Look into her eyes and help her to remember that you are totally present there for her without an agenda.
– Remind her to breathe and breathe with her.
– When touching her breasts, touch around the outside of the breasts before touching the nipple, especially about an inch or so from the nipple. Ask her what type of pressure she likes for nipple stimulation, how hard or soft before touching the nipple.
– Go slow. Slow is sensual. Sometimes stillness is the most powerful. Use slow deep circular movements for yoni massage interspersed with stillness. If you find a painful or numb spot be still, use firm pressure, and encourage her to breath through it and express with sound.
– Use very light touch on the upper left side of the clitoris unless she requests other wise. The pressure should be about the same as touching an eyeball. Very light. Clitoral stimulation with g-spot massage is recommended.
– Periodically during yoni massage use one hand to stroke other parts of the body and spread the sexual energy through the entire body. For example, the heart, inner thighs, and belly are nice.
Congratulations, you are on your way to becoming a master lover!