A Tantra Ritual for Couples

In our day to day living we often get caught up in the activity and busyness of daily life.  We engage in the realm of personality and lose sight of the extraordinary miracle we each are.   But what if you made a conscious decision to bring the quality of devotion to your partner?  What if you made a decision to honor the Divinity of your partner?  How might your relating be different?

There is a beautiful version of a Couple’s Puja (Puja=A ritual of honoring of the Divine) that Arjuna Ardagh shared with me that simply and exquisitely ignites the quality of devotion.  I’ve included the instructions for this ritual at the end of this message.   Explore this for yourselves, it only takes 5-10 minutes.­­

This Couple’s Puja is a conscious decision to bring the quality of devotion to your partner.  This is an experience of bringing open eyes, heart and receptivity to meeting your partner as you give and receive devotion from each other.  This Puja cultivates the qualities that turns ordinary lovers into soul mates.  It has the ability to shift our relating from the realm of the personality to the realm of the Holy.

Whatever you are experiencing in your relationship, right now is the perfect time to start this practice.  Don’t wait until you’re feeling all lovey dovey.   In fact, if you’re not even liking your partner right now then this really is the perfect time to start!

When I suggest this practice to couples I’m coaching sometimes the initial response is a version of … “But I’m not feeling devotion”… “This isn’t authentic for me”… “ I don’t even like my partner right now” …  “We’ll do this when we’re feeling loving and connected”.

But the truth is, even when we’re stuck in our drama, or we’re feeling out of sorts with each other, those experiences don’t change our true nature. Those emotional atmospheres act like a fog, concealing our divinity from our eyes.   Our true nature remains Holy and Divine.  The art of devotional love is seeing beyond that fog especially when we aren’t feeling “it”.

The Couple’s Puja is a potent daily practice for cultivating and expressing devotion.  Doing this the first things in the morning, right after waking, is a way to start each day fresh by redirecting the relationship beyond personality, into depth.   And why not invite God into your bedroom by sharing the couple’s Puja before your lovemaking?   The Divine making love to the Divine … Glorious!

I bow to the divine in you, Namaste,

As an individual practice:
~ Singles, do this toward your future beloved.
~ If  your partner doesn’t want to join you, in a private space,
speak your devotion while having your attention on your beloved


  • Sit opposite each other and look softly into your partner’s eyes.   Take time to really feel the depth behind the appearance of the person.
  • Feel the love you have for your partner, but also the love flowing in its unique flavor from your partner to you.
  • Bring your hands together as a gesture of surrender and devotion, and bow to your partner.
  • One person will silently listen with receptivity and an open heart.
  • The other person speaks, letting their words pour out from their heart.
  • After one shares be silent for a two or three breaths then swap roles.

The scripts below are examples to give you a sense of the ritual.  Use these or your own variations. When you speak give expression to different currents – surrender, letting go, expression of worship (even if not felt!)  This helps the “me” disappear so the God space opens up and to be available to the deeper streams. Let your heart speak. And when your partner is sharing become receptive and invite their words of devotion to penetrate you.

My beloved, Namaste. I see the Buddha in you. You can see me more deeply than I can see myself. I surrender to your wisdom, to your clarity. I surrender to the wisdom of our union, to the wisdom of love itself. I feel so grateful that we can be on this journey together. Thank you so much for being here with me. Thank you so much for all the fun we have, for everything we create together. And I commit to be completely honest with you. I commit to be with you. I commit to this relationship as my teacher. I love you.

After no more than 2 – 3 minutes, bow fully to your partner. Take a breath together, then change roles…

My beloved, I love you. I worship everything about you. I bring to you all of me, my brokenness and my majesty. Please draw forth the very best. Please demand of me the best. Don’t settle for anything mediocre or half way. You know what can be between us. You’ve tasted, you know, our highest potential. A full expression of our meeting. Please call that forth. Please today, be my teacher. Be my guru. I surrender, and this day, I commit everything to be completely open to you.

After no more than 2 – 3 minutes, bow fully to your partner then sit in stillness together for several more breaths.